Still Waters Amidst the Chaos

Challenge & Revelation, Life updates

 Grieving at any point in life is difficult. Only someone who has gone through it can accurately describe it. It’s like wading through a dark, swampy forest, longing for the sun to rise and burn off the thick fog you’re trying to escape from. You don’t know where the sun will rise but hope its different from any other time before. The memories comfort yet suffocate you. Searching for relief, you’re exhausted.

Recently, my grandfather passed away 3 weeks after he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. The circumstances came and went like an unforeseen tragedy, leaving us drowning in the wake.

He was the first grandparent and father lost – just two weeks away from Thanksgiving. Not one person felt normal or complete. The season’s joyous spirit felt superficial at a time like this. Some eventually accepted this as the new reality and busied themselves, absorbing others’ Christmas cheer and attempting to pass it on. The rest were left seeking whatever could be found to keep the reality settling in their heart.

God urges and reminds us our choices (no matter how seemingly small) have a lasting impact on our future. What are you running to for fulfillment? What substance(s) are you using to drown your sorrows?

“I said in my heart, “Come now, I will test you with pleasure; enjoy yourself.” But behold, this also was vanity. I searched with my heart how to cheer my body with wine—my heart still guiding me with wisdom—and how to lay hold on folly.. And whatever my eyes desired I did not keep from them. I kept my heart from no pleasure, for my heart found pleasure in all my toil, and this was my reward for all my toil. Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. So I turned to consider wisdom and madness and folly. Then I saw that there is more gain in wisdom than in folly, as there is more gain in light than in darkness.” Ecclesiastes‬ ‭2:1, 3, 10-15 ‭ESV‬‬

If it had not been for the prayer warriors hedging me in during my season of grieving or the friends that simply took the time to listen and invest in my heart; I would not be writing this. I too, sought outside fulfillment in my brief period of grief/denial.

Everyone grieves differently. Ecclesiastes 3 encourages us there is a time for everything. Weeping, praising, searching, mending, and stillness.

Many in this generation have become fixated on social media, often causing them to entertain the meaningless. Through some’s time of grief they may bury themselves in other’s lives, longing for their friends’ highlight reels midst their dark hour. Others are left pining for the love they lost, seeking from those not worthy to capture their heart. Both of these circumstances point to a haughty heart: one too proud to submit to Christ in their moment of weakness, fear, and hurt.

“Those who use the things of the world should not become attached to them. For this world as we know it will soon pass away.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭7:31‬ ‭NLT‬‬

“You cannot drink from the cup of the Lord and from the cup of demons, too. What? Do we dare to rouse the Lord’s jealousy? Do you think we are stronger than he is? You say, “I am allowed to do anything” —but not everything is good for you. You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is beneficial.” ‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10:21-23‬ ‭NLT‬‬

In every season, there are times to feel weak, angry, and sad, but in that storm Christ calls us to say: “Through it all, you are still good.” This is easier said then done. How do we focus on the still water when ensued by chaos?

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Getting Fed Up Is Easy.

Challenge & Revelation

Sorry I haven’t written in a while…been a little preoccupied.. :/

Trusting God is hard. It’s a small truth, but a big one at the same time.

Probably my biggest struggle is remembering to turn it over to Him. Nobody is perfect. When you’re believing for something, it takes faith and trust. But how do you feed that faith? Walking in His love. Recently, I’ve come to realize I need to walk in love more. Sometimes those critical thoughts of others overtake you. Whether it’s out of response because you’re hurt (been there too many times recently) or because you feel you’re better than them. Anger and pride have no part in God. Yet those thoughts plague us and we accept them as our own.

–You mean those aren’t my thoughts?

Of course not. They’re only yours if you accept them. Satan speaks to us in first person so we’ll take what he says as our own thoughts. Just because you read the Word and have a personal relationship with our awesome God, does not mean you don’t fall.

–But how do I turn those thoughts captive? They haunt me with their taunts, I feel trapped by their persistence.

They don’t have authority there. Once you tell them no once, if they continue, that’s harassment. They have to leave.

It may sound extremely simple, but it was hard for me to put that into practice. Satan attacks us out of our insecurities, fear we’ll never find a significant other, fear we’ll never be good enough, fear we’ll never get out of what so relentlessly haunts us.

You have to let go. Turn it over to the King who has planned your path before you were conceived. When I first let go, I was okay. But after a crazy week of trying to be strong for myself and others around me going through trials as well, I fell apart. I went back to the despair, the hurt, the isolation after feeling like no one cared to ask how I was.

And then a friend stepped in. One who had been where I had been. Who years later still faced situations that tested her strength. Words cannot describe how thankful I am to God who sent me a friend that could understand just exactly what I was saying and encourage me to never give up on the Word I knew God had told me.

As weeks passed, I began to hold my head up emotionally and pursue God with fervency. Relying on Him was the best decision I had made. I think, through the stress of finishing school and everything that came before and after graduation, I forgot.

So, I’d like to challenge whoever reads this, all two of you. Ha.

God created us for companionship, right? This week, instead of telling whoever first, let’s thank God for the good experiences and lift up the bad ones. I don’t do it enough. Maybe you do. Would love to hear if this challenged you and what the results were.

God bless 🙂