Locked on Vulnerability

Challenge & Revelation, Life updates

LockedA comment from my last post: “Yes, we act on insecurities and/or assume that others think like us – both self defeating in many instances. The key (I believe) is to keep an open heart. You are well on your way of figuring this out, it is never an easy path. I admire your introspection, honesty and openness on the topic. You are brave pioneer!”

How do we keep an open heart in a world that offers confusion and pain? If I wall myself up from everyone and everything, am I denying myself the opportunity to live life and the purpose of it?

These past few months have not been a walk in the park. Many changes have occurred and with a few around the corner, well, let’s just say they are crashing over me like a tidal wave and I’m being carried out to sea. While parts of being an adult feel natural, others areas leave me drowning.

A couple of months ago, the reason I moved to Chicago shifted gears. I knew I was no longer going to be along for the ride, but it was an awkward transition and I was hurt. I didn’t understand everything (nor did I need to) but when something that becomes so much of your identity leaves, you kind of feel like you’re walking around with a blank name tag. It was like I was walking around with “I don’t know who I am anymore” stamped on my forehead.

That’s when the “check heart priorities” light came on and I knew I needed to hit the floor. (figuratively, of course.)

You see, I had let my identity become something else other than God. I had every intention of honoring God in the ministry I was doing but I had shifted my focus off of Him. After this recent life change, I had allowed my heart to harden. Subconsciously, fear whispered, “You can’t trust working for a ministry. All people will ever do is take advantage of you. Working for a secular job would give you better pay anyways. They’ll respect who you are.”

When we begin to rely on ourselves because we feel we can no longer trust others, our focus has shifted. Having an open heart is not being dependent on yourself. Having an open heart is when you trust someone else with your heart and are secure enough in your own identity to love them anyway. I don’t know about you, but I am not that secure!

I do know someone who can protect my heart and never let me down, though.

God. 

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